Dear Miss Manners,
Please discuss how to fairly divide the items in a deceased loved one's estate to prevent hurt feelings and family feuds. Please remind people of three big no-no's:
Gentle Reader,
Including families where in-laws have full status?
Miss Manners has no trouble endorsing your prohibition against stealing from the dead. But the other terms for dividing property not mentioned in a will should be worked out by mutual consent of the heirs. For example, she has heard of families in which the richer members take subtle care to see that the poorer ones get more valuable items ("Oh, come on, you take the silver, we already have a set") or divide by emotional attachment ("I've always loved that painting, but you know I don't wear jewelry, and Mother would want you to have hers"). Or they simply take turns choosing items.
Please discuss how to fairly divide the items in a deceased loved one's estate to prevent hurt feelings and family feuds. Please remind people of three big no-no's:
- Going into the house and removing items before the other heirs get there.
- Only direct heirs should be involved, not daughter-in-laws, son-in-laws, etc.
- If someone wants something that is worth several hundred or thousand dollars, that amount should be deducted from their inheritance.
Gentle Reader,
Including families where in-laws have full status?
Miss Manners has no trouble endorsing your prohibition against stealing from the dead. But the other terms for dividing property not mentioned in a will should be worked out by mutual consent of the heirs. For example, she has heard of families in which the richer members take subtle care to see that the poorer ones get more valuable items ("Oh, come on, you take the silver, we already have a set") or divide by emotional attachment ("I've always loved that painting, but you know I don't wear jewelry, and Mother would want you to have hers"). Or they simply take turns choosing items.
